Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
