It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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