if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
