I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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