so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
