Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
