I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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