My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no, he came in my armpit
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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