Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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