definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
