lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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