a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
