By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Alive.
So much puke
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
