he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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