they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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