Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
