HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
