Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
