Your tits are I can't wait for
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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