i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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