So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
