Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
