just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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