my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
