Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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