Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
