conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
