before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
