I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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