One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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