you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i can't believe i had my finger in that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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