and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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