New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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