Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
