and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
