mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
