just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
