Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
