I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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