I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
