My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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