the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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