Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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