we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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