I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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