Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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