If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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