Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
