OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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