omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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