I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
