we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
