I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
