i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
