i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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