Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
