if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
