My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
