life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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