why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
