You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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