census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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